"I’ve been out with so many women who’ve set off alarm bells that I could write a book about it. In fact, I’m seriously considering penning such a book, called “Alarm Bells.” I’ll sometimes bring up this book project when I’m on a first date, just to see how the woman reacts. Ironically, sometimes the way a date responds to the idea of a book called “Alarm Bells” sets off those same bells themselves. For example, at Applebee’s once, a human-resources lady I met on MapQuest said she “would never read a book like that.” I was, like, “Check, please!” I don’t think I could ever be with someone who doesn’t like to read."